‘We’ve talked for hundreds of hours’: the joy of volunteering as a telephone friend

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All champion friends were strangers once. Why, then, does reaching retired to personification you don’t know, making platonic connections successful nan modern world, consciousness for illustration specified a bold, moreover brave point to do?

Let maine show you astir my friend, Pauline. Like each bully friends, we make a constituent of catching up astatine slightest erstwhile a week, talking for hours astir everything and thing astatine all. But Pauline and I, while ever location for each other, are dissimilar much accepted companions because, arsenic good arsenic being calved 50-odd years apart, and surviving respective 100 miles from each other, we’ve ne'er really met. We’re telephone friends.

It was nan highest of nan Covid-19 pandemic and I was watching feline videos connected YouTube. An advert popped up – an older-person kindness seeking to combat societal isolation done play telephone calls. Thirty minutes a week was nan commitment. A elemental chat could alteration an older person’s life, truthful they said.

There were rules, of course. You were only to speak connected nan phone, only to cognize each other’s first names, ne'er to meet successful existent life.

Now I unpaid for respective aged charities, but backmost past I hadn’t fixed overmuch thought to it. Yet nan thought instantly appealed. Perhaps it was an property thing. I had conscionable turned 30, a milestone nary 1 tin neglect to ignore, and I was opening to wonderment what people I was leaving connected nan world, what my early held, who I was. And past location was Covid, of course.

It’s nary coincidence that this each started successful 2020. Was it a consciousness of privilege I felt during nan pandemic that drove maine to motion up for these calls? Was I trying to cleanse my ain conscience? A young man successful a bully level pinch a bully boyfriend, ne'er going without food, aliases employment or, for that matter, company.

I’m judge I wasn’t nan only 1 who recovered myself pondering those large existential questions during those difficult weeks, months (years, wasn’t it?).

It was astir that clip that I’d taken a break from my activity successful tv to decorativeness penning my novel, arsenic indulgent arsenic that sounds, and I had immoderate clip connected my hands, to put it lightly. And so, aft completing various vetting procedures, information checks and training programmes, nan calls began.

“Do you watch a lot of television?” I ask.

“Of course!” Pauline answers. “I ne'er person nan telly off! It’s go a benignant of friend. What do you watch?”

She’d beaten maine to it. I’d built a intelligence crib expanse of shows I assumed she would watch successful mentation for nan call: Countryfile; Cash successful nan Attic; Countdown. I’d watched them each nan erstwhile week successful lawsuit nan speech dried up.

“I watch reality TV.” Pauline announces. “ I for illustration Made successful Chelsea.”

I spit my java out. “Really?”

“Of course. I watch it connected E4. And that different 1 successful Essex. Haven’t missed an ep of that.”

On insubstantial it shouldn’t really work, of course. Our lives are poles apart. And yet, contempt each our evident differences, location is much that unites Pauline and maine than divides us. Somehow it does work.

A fewer months successful and there’s small we haven’t discussed. And not conscionable what we’re watching connected nan telly, but memories from our past, dreams for our future. With each telephone we get to cognize each different a small better, go much comfortable revealing a small much of ourselves. But really sad, I think, that it took a nationalist pandemic for this to happen. This friendship, and countless others crossed nan country, would ne'er person blossomed without it.

“My cat, Muriel,” I say, 1 day, “she turned 5 yesterday. We threw her a party. She tried immoderate Pawsecco. It’s nettle and ginseng, lightly carbonated. I sound mad, don’t I?”

There is simply a moment’s pause. “It’s bully to perceive you sounding much yourself,” she cuts in, retired of nowhere. “Is it nan tablets?”


“The tablets you told maine astir – are you emotion better? Happier?”

It was a fewer weeks earlier that I recovered myself divulging my intelligence wellness struggles to Pauline complete nan phone. I’m usually rather reluctant to talk astir specified things, moreover pinch my closest friends, but possibly that’s 1 of nan perks of a telephone friendship, not having to look different personification successful nan eye.

“I deliberation so,” I reply, tentatively, though I cognize it is true, I americium emotion overmuch much myself, but location is thing astir nan truth that it is coming from Pauline that floors maine somehow.

“I’m gladsome you’ve noticed, Pauline. I’m emotion overmuch better. Thank you.”

There is simply a straightforwardness to our relationship, I realise, a relationship deeper than I could person imagined erstwhile I first signed up for these calls. I conjecture sometimes successful life we’re not judge what we’re looking for until it presents itself correct nether our eyes or, successful my case, ears.

“I dream you don’t mind,” Pauline says, “but nan different time I was talking to a man from nan energy committee and I sewage connected to you. I called you my friend. Is that OK?”

“Of people you’re my friend,” I reply, but it is only arsenic I opportunity nan words that I realise it is true. I’d beryllium lying if I said I didn’t return comfortableness successful knowing that personification is location for me, arsenic overmuch arsenic I americium for them. Someone who is ever astatine nan different extremity of nan phone. Real friendships aren’t transactional aliases philanthropic. They are mutually beneficial. Life enriching.

Pauline sighs profoundly and I perceive her shingle her head. “If only I had much gays successful my life.”

I commencement to laugh. She is everlastingly extolling nan virtues of homosexuals. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I’ve ever had an affinity pinch cheery people. Men, and women.”

I grin into nan phone.

“There’s different sanction for personification for illustration you, Pauline.”

“There is?”

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“Yes, and it rhymes pinch container nag.”

There person been galore moments that person been thing but sweet. Thinking astir her business 1 day, during 1 of our chats, I americium overwhelmed by her confinement, nan cruelty of it all, and a thought enters my head, 1 that I’ve yet to afloat consider. What happens erstwhile Pauline is nary longer pinch us? When I ringing and location is nary answer?

“Are you still there?”


“Why are you crying?”

There is an disfigured guttural outcry that comes retired of maine that I can’t control. I drawback nan pillow I americium leaning against and property my look into it, suppressing each nan rage, nan sadness, nan shame of it all.

It is simply a sickness successful our society, I think. Where older group are invisible and neighbours are nuisances and nary 1 cares for anyone but themselves.

“Let’s talk astir thing a spot cheerier,” Pauline suggests, and abruptly it is her comforting me. “How’s Tom?”

At nan mention of my partner, a grin appears connected my face. I smile.

“He’s sewage a beautiful accent, hasn’t he?”

“He has,” I reply. “Aren’t I lucky?”

The erstwhile week she’d overheard Tom connected nan telephone to his mum, while we sat together connected nan sofa.

“And americium I allowed to opportunity that location is thing very charismatic astir an Irish accent?”

“You are,” I say. “And location is. It’s for illustration butter, Pauline. You should perceive nan things he whispers successful my ear.”

There is simply a naughty cackle down nan phone. “I’m gladsome it’s not conscionable maine then.”

“What do you look like, Pauline? I’ve ne'er seen you, person I? We only cognize each other’s voices.”

I regret nan mobility immediately. In each nan hundreds of hours we’ve been speaking, I had unconsciously painted an image of Pauline successful my mind and I was reluctant to person that image shattered.

“I cognize what,” she says, “I’ll show you what I utilized to look like.” I consciousness myself exhale.

“I had agelong blond hair, reddish blonde, really, and a heart-shaped face. Hazel eyes, a dainty small nose, and a cupid’s front mouth. Everyone utilized to remark connected my cervix – it was long, for illustration a swan’s. And I utilized to deterioration a batch of jewellery – nary constituent now, of course.”

I beam into nan receiver, closing my eyes to effort to ideate her.

“I should fto you get on,” I add, realising what a ridiculous point it is to say.

“You will ringing again erstwhile you get a moment?”

“I will! Why would I extremity calling?”

This has gone beyond volunteering, I realise. It’s been almost 4 years. Hundreds of hours of conversation. Countless stories. Laughter. Secrets. And now tears. It’s nary longer charity, if it ever was. We’re friends, elemental arsenic that. I will support calling Pauline, of people I will. I will support calling until she doesn’t prime up.

Pauline’s sanction has been changed for confidentiality. The Fellowship of Puzzlemakers by Samuel Burr (Orion Fiction, £14.99) is disposable from guardianbookshop.com for £13.19

Source theguardian